Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
