He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
