i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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