My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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