My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
