dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
