Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
