i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
