id be glad to
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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