i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i came on her dog
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
