he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
