If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
