Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
