i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
