I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I touched a dick in church today
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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