I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
