so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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