I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
