Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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