Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
