Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
