So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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