So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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