Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
