How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
