I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
