I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
