Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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