So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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