how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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