Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
