I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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