Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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