the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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