i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
