I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I FOUND THE LEGS
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
