You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
