pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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