Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
