There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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