Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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