i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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