is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
