alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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