Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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