i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize