Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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