Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
