You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
