One girl and one boy is just not enough.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
