3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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