All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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