I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
