That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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