I have demons in me.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
