I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize