perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
