I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
