So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
