I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
