hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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