I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize