found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
