YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
