booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize