i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
a search helicopter?!
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
