I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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