we have officially lost it.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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