If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Boobs are out for the taking
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
