I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
