4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
