Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
