they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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