He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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